grace's memorial service was at the roswell funeral home and crematory. it was...quite an experience. we sang grace's favorite christian song, jesus loves me, this i know. then grace's parents, chaoting and tuhua, went up and spoke about grace's life. it was really, really touching. i don't remember much of what the dad said but i remember a lot of what the mom said. she said that grace had always been such a sweet girl and that she truly was an angel. she was always so caring and so generous--she went on saying how one time she slipped in the shower and passed out but because of grace's cries and frantic pleas, she came through. and then whenever she used to climb a stool or a ladder to get something on the higher shelves, grace would always tell her to be careful. then she went on talking about tuesday night--how during grace's final hours, she kept telling grace that mommy loved her the most and she should come back to mommy. and all the while doing that, grace kept bleeding so she kept trying to get wipe the blood away. she said that she was never going to forgive the babysitter...and then she fainted. for the fourth time since tuesday. then, they put on a slideshow of grace's photos. there were pictures of her as a baby, pictures of her on their vacations in china and pictures of her here in georgia--stone mountain, church, her house, etc. many places that i too have been to. and i smiled at that. but then i realized that i've been to so many of the places she's been to...but she'll never go to all the places i've been to. i think i cried the hardest then. they had people that were close to the family speak about grace next. genesis's mom went up and spoke about how genesis lost a best friend and how when they used to play together, they would color. grace would put so much effort and patience into coloring, especially for a child. a couple other people, including a sunday school teacher went up. and then several other people spoke about "visions" they had during the hours they prayed for grace. one relative said that she saw a bright yellow light and then a little girl with jesus and she knew that it was grace. the girl appeared to be happy and she said that she was glad that grace was playing with jesus and that she was safe. another person said that she thought she saw another little girl around jesus. her hair was in two pig tails, hanging down to her shoulder. the lady said that when she revealed this vision to grace's parents, they said it couldn't be grace because she always had short hair. but then she thought about it and said that grace has always wanted long hair so she could braid it and now in heaven, she could have what she wanted most, which means she's happy. grace's pre-kindergarten teacher went up there too. she mentioned how grace was always so loving and because she was new to the united states, her english wasn't at its best so she wouldn't play with the other kids and during recess, would stick to the teacher. each day, she would tell the teacher that she loved her. and then when the teacher told her that she should join the other kids, she told the teacher, "no, i shy." so the teacher let her hang out with her until she thought her english was good enough. but even when she went to play with the other kids, she would still return to the teacher and tell her she loved her. my piano teacher's husband spoke too and he mentioned how every time he would go to their house for ping-pong practice, he would bring them a cake. the first time he did it, he brought cupcakes. he showed them to grace and grace had said, "for us?" and when he nodded, grace asked, "is there some for my brother too?" when her brother, henry, saw the cupcakes--like any normal boy, he finished his rather quickly. grace looked at hers and ended up giving hers to him. and then, i think a couple more people spoke. we ended it by singing amazing grace. at the end, we walked past her casket--i couldn't even look inside. i just bowed my head and walked away. later, we saw the babysitter standing outside the chapel. my dad said that in a way, it was good that grace's mom fainted. if she saw the babysitter, she probably would've gotten even more worked up. and if people kept trying to console her, it probably wouldn't have done any good. i don't think any of the kids really, truly understood the whole incident. i mean they knew that grace left with jesus and that she was in heaven now but i'm not sure if they understood the whole concept of death. i mean i don't think i understand it. it's just not something that can be easily accepted.

and as much as we all just want to despise the babysitter, even if she was irresponsible (i heard that grace didn't know how to swim but she didn't have on any floating devices...matter of fact, she didn't even have a bathing suit on), she didn't want it to happen. i guess we'll just have to pray for the best.

according to chaoting, grace's grandparents don't know about this yet because of their frail health. they're afraid this type of news would shock them and shake them badly.

amazing grace, how sweet the sound...

sweet, little grace, may you rest in peace.

i don't know what else to say. i didn't know her very well. i used to see her weekly at the bible studies on saturday nights. (i stopped going though because as the oldest, i was asked to babysit and frankly, i don't mind babysitting kids that actually listen to you--i just can't babysit kids that pretend you're not there.) she was a very sweet girl and played with genesis a lot, i remember. they were really good friends. grace had really short hair, i think. the last time i saw her, her hair was probably barely past her ears. she had a brother, henry. henry goes to tkd with my brother. and she was maybe a preschooler or kindergartener. i don't remember. her mom is one of the nicest ladies ever and my goodness, i can't imagine how hard it is for her. i heard that grace drowned in the pool last night. by the time they rushed her to the hospital, the doctors said that even if she could be saved, her brain was dead.

the couple weeks before we left on our wild, wild west trip, we didn't go to bible study because of other plans. the couple weeks we were on our trip, we didn't go because obviously we couldn't go. the weeks that we were back, we were either busy, had plans or there wasn't even a bible study. there was one last saturday, i believe. for some reason, i don't remember why but i chose not to go and the rest of the family followed suit. and all i can think is we could've seen grace one last time, said bye to her one last time, return her sweet smile one last time--but we chose not to go and...now, grace is gone.

i just pray that her family is doing well and she wasn't in pain when she left. she's with Jesus now. <3

scarily enough, within the last week, i've posted two entries on death. it's so close...yet so far. it's just so odd to accept the concept. it's just unbelievable and then when it hits you, it's still hard to believe. it's really a feeling that i can't describe. it's odd to think that you'll never, ever see the person again. not because you guys had a fight and refused to speak to each other. not because you guys are separated by continents and oceans. but because they are really gone...forever. it's just unbelievably difficult to accept and understand.

life is beautiful. parth said he was going to stop complaining. i think i am too. because life is too beautiful to fill its precious moments with complaints about stupid, little things.

here's to you, grace,
sweet, little, beautiful grace,
we will miss you.
rest in peace. <3

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i've moved to blogger.
http://elciine.blogspot.com/
it's private (except to kevin and rain) though.
i'll update here when i want to make entries (like this one) public.